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Today's Tightness is yet another example of just how tight The Simpsons has been for the past 21 years. In a perfectly timed and exceptionally edited take off of their normal opening credits sequence, which has become legendary in its own right, The Simpsons present Ke$ha's "Tik Tok". Tight.
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Nothing like traveling 3000+ miles across the country, to the place where TH.C was TH.Conceived, Brooklyn, NY, to help a Jefe realize that the Tightness TRULY is ALL AROUND US, all the time. From the Bay to LA to BK, if you open your eyes, ears, and hearts, you will find the Tightness, Hellluv.
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On this very happy Friday night (when the mood is most certainly right), we're gonna have some fun. Show you how it's done - TGIF. Weekends are the best time to remember that the tightness is all around you, so I am going to get that spirit started for you by showing you the Tightness, Helluv.
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As a proud Mexi-EuroMutt-American, my ears helluv perked up once I heard this story in the middle of the night while half-asleep. A 22 year old woman was busted in El Paso, Texas yesterday in a failed attempt to smuggle 30 pounds of ganj in false frames behind oil paintings of Jesus. ¡Muy tight!
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As a proud Mexi-EuroMutt-American, my ears helluv perked up once I heard this story in the middle of the night while half-asleep. A 22 year old woman was busted in El Paso, Texas yesterday in a failed attempt to smuggle 30 pounds of ganj in false frames behind oil paintings of Jesus. ¡Muy tight!
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Only in Tennessee...A MURFREESBORO, Tennessee man was arrested New Year's Day after he was discovered to be Patty Pass Out, sleeping like a baby at a Shelluv Gas Station for over an hour at the pump, inside a mobile meth lab that was actively cooking meth in the back seat at the time.
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Catch the Tightabeetus at TightHelluv.Com. Today's Tightness of the Day comes courtesy of New York electronic group Ratatat Or Rata-tathelluv.com, who have created a dope track featuring Wilford "Diabeetus" Brimley himself, explaining in depth, his struggle with discovering he had Tightabeetus.
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My good friend since we were 5, Ellie Houston, deserves the credit for inspiring this post after I found a photo on her Facebook page that reminds us all JUST HOW AMAZEBALLS LeVar Robert Martyn Burton, Jr. aka Geordi Leforge aka Kunte Kinte aka Reading Rainbow Guy, really is.
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Don't get it twisted: TightHelluv.Com thinks HEROIN IS FUCKING NAST. Heroin was sold commercially around 1900 by the wonderul humanitarians at Bayer, who remind you that if you have a heart attack learning that they sold Smack as a kids' cough suppressant, eat their Aspirin.
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I have seen signs for this guy all over Sonoma for YEARS, and have never once taken a picture of it, and that is a massive FAIL on my part. That's why TH.C hel-LUVS Crew Member Smokey McPot so much. Ryan Cameron out of the Sev-Oh-Sev deserves all the credit for this one!
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There is no greater lesson in appreciating the TIGHTNESS around you at all times than carrying your camera around with you, everywhere you go, at all times. In this lighthearted Tightness of the Day post, enjoy a multitude of tightness captured by the digicams of El Jefe Helluv and friends.
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That's my boy! Cy Young Winner Tim "The Franchise/Freak" Lincecum cemented his place in my heart as The Best Thing in Bay Area Baseball as he was pulled over in Washington for speeding, and broke the seal of his hotboxed Benz to accept his ticket. TIGHT, HELLUV!
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"HIT ME AGAIN, IKE! AND PUT SOME STANK ON IT!" One of my favorite bars in San Francisco, almost a home away from home, and the host to SF Brewskeeball, Buckshot Bar & Gameroom on Geary & 3rd Ave serves a very "special" Special. "The Ike Turner": a shot of Hennessey and a slap in the face.
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THC-UK homeboy Tom Rawe does it again, this time submitting a crazy three part web series called "The Sapo Diaries" in which VBS.TV's Hamilton Morris ventures to Brazil in search of Phyllomedusa Bicolor or The Sapo, a frog whose venom, when ingested by humans, almost mimics morphine.
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Isn't this a gem? Our family friends from church back in the day when I actually used to go to church, the Dreyer Family, recently went for a flight over the Bay Area for Elizabeth's birthday and took this HIGHlarious picture of the Golden Gate Bridge sticking just the tip out of the fog.
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Another edition of Tight Helluv Headlines, this time from the Chowchilla News: "Hooker enjoys working with her horses and ponies." Poor 4H Hostess Erin Hooker, already burdened with a horrible last name, now gets put on blast to the entire town of Chowchilla.
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Wowww. So, we have had dolls that cry, dolls that burp, dolls that piss their diaper, dolls that shart their dress...but never before have we seen such a ridiculous activity for a doll for children to be doing than POLE DANCING. That is right, a pole dancing children's doll. Decay of Western Society Status.
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The Ambassador of the Bay, the one and only E-40 himself tweeted a clip of this earlier, and I could not stop laughing. It could have been the 3 bowls I smoked, or it could be the brilliance of Seth Macfarlane, but I suspect it is a bit of both.
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Jay Z has claimed to be the Grim Reaper of Autotune, attempting to murder it with "The Death of Autotune," but T-Pain's new iPhone app has flipped the bird to H to the Izzo putting autotune in the hands and voicebox of anybody with an iPhone and $2.99.
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WOWWWWW....Stephon Marbury aka Starbury made kind of a huge mistake when he invested in a camera to follow his every move and stream it on the Justin.tv, though I am glad he did because had he not, we would never get to hear all of this unnecessary & inappropriate info about his love of maryjane.
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Alliteration is tight. The Bossiest Squirrel ever to do it real squirrelly proved just what a Celebrity he truly is by hijacking center stage in a timed tripod photo originally intended by an American couple on vacay in (Blame) Canada to document their trip. Until Squirrelluv decided to showcase that he is such a boss, he is his own paparazzi.
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Another amazing site to check out when you are down and out - www.thisisphotobomb.com - featuring all kinds of ruined photos and videos, sabotaged by the likes of manginas, fingerbanging, vomit, funny faces, nudity, criminal activity and lude and lascivious acts in the backgrounds of photos of unsuspecting subjects.
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A guy locked in a closet on Acid was being recorded as he speaks his thoughts on some sort of book or magazine or advertisement or something, and then an animation of a lizard was created to compliment it in one of the most random, hilarious, non-sensical and completely sensical rants I have ever heard in my entire life.
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As you can even tell from the header for Helluvvision, animals can be amazing companions, hilarious sidekicks, constant entertainment, loving family members, stubborn pains in the ass, anxiety relievers and beautiful reminders of the joys of life, and they are never better than when they exhibit human-like behavior.
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Standing in front of a sell-out crowd at a nationally televised sports event to sing the National Anthem is no doubt about as stressful a situation in which one could be. Hopefully, if you are ever in that situation, you will learn from this beezie what NOT to do as she completely fails at just about everything including singing, remembering the words, escaping, and most of all standing up.
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If I had my way, In Living Color would still be on Fox and I could watch it any time I wanted. Unfortunately, though it was one of the best things Fox has ever created, Keenan Ivory Wayans and his family and friends are no longer available to us, except via the Internet and clips we can relish forever.
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Helluvbrating their 35th Anniversary this year, Steve Silver's San Francisco staple (alliteration is tight) "Beach Blanket Babylon" is one of the most topical, relevant, entertaining, fucking HIGHlarious musical revues I have ever seen in my life. And that is NOT just because my soulmate since we were 5 years old is a star of the show...
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From SpaceGhost to his own "The Brak Show," I have not, since Meaty the Dog on "Rob & Big" loved a bucktoothed obnoxious creature so much as I <3 Brak. Also, props to Freddie Prinze, Jr., who before this was...well, let's say, not my favorite actor, who gains major points for his dedication to the comedy, and his glorious performance.
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